Friday, September 13, 2013

Barrelhouse 12

Hey Nobody!

I will have a story in Barrelhouse 12!  It's a printed book and EVERYTHING!

Check it out!

Thursday, March 21, 2013

I need to stop treating small candy bars like snacks.  I shove them into my mouth multiple times because “they have nuts!” I negate them because of their size.

You know who doesn’t negate them?

My thighs.

My thighs invite the candy bars over for coffee and light conversation. My thighs are all, "Let's watch the Laker game!"   My thighs are super friendly.  They invite EVERYONE I negate over!  Those leftover fries the warehouse guy gave me for lunch, that spoonful of peanut butter (or two) eaten standing at the sink, all of the wine, all of the beer, every melted cheese thing.  "COME ON OVER!!" Their welcome mat is huge. 

My thighs are like, “Party time at our house!!!” And all of those things come over and they all bring friends.  And it doesn’t matter if there are too many to fit, the walls endlessly stretch.  And even if they hit their limit, the overflow just moves up to the attic of my hips and belly. 


God damn.  

I need to stop saying no to myself.  Or there won’t be any room in here for me. 

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

I get emailed “coupons” from CVS and I always click on them and “send them to card” which means the coupon gets “attached” to my CVS card and when I shop at CVS and they scan my card they say “You have a coupon.  Would you like to apply it?”

My answer is always, “Why, yes. Yes I would.”

It’s the best thing ever.

I got to CVS to buy miscellaneous items.  Usually it’s birthday cards, makeup and movie candy.  Sometimes it’s medicine related.  I usually go to the same store.  The checkers there are always “interesting.”  One of them had this really crazy facial deformity where she sort of looked like Sloth from The Goonies.  She was my favorite.

But now there is some Asian man and I think he doesn’t like me because every time I go to him and he scans my card he never says anything about the coupon I know is there and when I tell him there should be a coupon there he justs looks again and flatly says, “No.”

My response to this is usually a sigh of defeat.

I feel like he is cock blocking my coupon usage for some reason.  I’m getting so mad just typing about it.  All the 20%’s he’s deprived me of.  I could’ve been saving ones of dollars!

I don’t know what to do anymore.   I’m just going to give up on life.   There's no point.  Click me and hit "send to card."  See where i go.    

Saturday, January 19, 2013

The video game chair has joined the living room furniture.  I know it feels ‘less than.’  I make people sit in it so it can begin to feel like it belongs.  Sometimes I hear it crying at night. Sobbing, “I’m not just for video game playing! I can help anyone sit comfortably who is doing most ANYTHING!” 

I pat it sometimes when I walk by.  It has speaker ears.

Will today be a ‘house cleaning day?’ Only time will tell.  There are areas where things have gathered.  Random things that I know come from elsewhere.  Belong elsewhere.  They cluster like refugees.  I hate them.  I want to spray them with a fire hose.