Friday, July 22, 2011

Fear. Let’s not talk about fear. Fear is creeping up on me and creeping up on me and creeping up on me. It’s my quicksand. I sometimes can’t even make certain phone calls. I have to turn off different thought switches in my brain or I will completely shut down with paralysis. I am beginning to understand why some people can’t leave their house. How people can’t do anything but sit in a chair or lie on a bed. I feel like I am on the verge of overwhelming myself. Okay, maybe not on the verge, exactly, but definitely on the path to being on the verge. It’s like one of those movies where someone is developing special powers. Gradual glimpses of powers or abilities that are shaken off at first; uncomfortable, strange, scary. But then by the end of the movie, the powers are full and developed because that is how movies go.

Maybe I should use a better analogy, like something with a physical transformation like The Fly or something similar where a person changes a little bit at a time until it becomes something it wasn’t ever supposed to be.

Whatever which way, I hope I can get a handle on it soon so I don’t end up alone, in a chair, in a room with no windows and no phone and no television and no computer and no life because if there are no outside forces pressing down upon me I cannot be afraid.

A large part of me wants to live in a treehouse that sits on the very top branches of a very beautiful tree that grows on a very beautiful island with warm tropical weather but only light rainfall. That tree would have the best wireless reception, a surprisingly civilized almost fancy plumbing system and the island would have a gourmet pizza delivery service that gives me all of my pizza for free because every time they are done giving me my pizza they love to ride the ‘exit slide’ that twists and turns through the branches and leaves of my tree on its way down to the ground, back to their delivery car. Like, the employees fight over who gets to deliver me my pizza, it's so much fun on that friggin' slide. Sometimes they will bring me free six packs of beer. Also, the tree has 8 “platforms” of living space made up of bedrooms, entertainment areas and lounging areas and a library. I will have lots of visitors or no visitors. I will do anything I want. I will fly around the island because I will also have a pet bird that loves me and takes me to all the best swimming spots that nobody can get to and I am naked and beautiful and not afraid of anything because nothing can touch me there. The end.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Now I’m addicted to a stupid little iPhone game called, Tiny Tower. Like most all iPhone games, it’s dumb. You are supposed to build floors on a tower that you own. Each floor gets more expensive to build. You can build residential floors or floors for entertainment or retail. So far I have three residential floors and a sushi restaurant floor and a night club floor because every tower needs those things.

The towers are populated and visited by the residents of the city I am building the tower in and they are called “Bitizens.” This is the cutest name ever for tiny people who live in a tiny city who live in tiny towers. They enter the tower through the lobby and you have to operate the elevator to take them to the floors they are requesting. Sometimes a VIP enters the building and if you deliver him to your sushi bar he will buy lots of sushi and make you richer.

The Bitizens move into your building and pay you rent and you give them jobs there so they are happy. The challenge of the game is to keep your service floors adequately stocked with supplies so you can keep the customers happy and keep making more money to build more floors on your tower.

While I was writing this I made enough money to add another floor. I added a photo studio. Bomb!

I hope I can build umpteen floors. I want to build enough floors to reach heaven. I want to get the Bitizens to touch God. I hope the creators of this game wrote that into the program.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

I bet you didn’t know that tomorrow is National Fried Chicken Day.  The reason this holiday exists is probably so I won’t be able to stop thinking about fried chicken because ever since KFC told me, via email coupon, that July 6th is NFCD, all I can think about is HOW I NEED TO EAT FRIED CHICKEN!  But I want to eat it today.  I don’t want to wait until tomorrow.  It’s not even necessary to wait until tomorrow because, unlike holidays that have rules like Christmas and 4th of July, NFCD can happen on any day, really. I mean, come on.  It’s just food.  I can make NFCD be EVERY day if I really wanted to.  There are probably some people who live this holiday on a daily basis and don’t even know it. 

Any which way I really want to just go to a fried chicken place, or actually, MULTIPLE fried chicken places, and buy like 10 bucks of fried chicken at each place and then bring it all home in my car WHILE THE DELICIOUS SMELL TORTURES ME LIKE A LOVER and then eat it while sitting in front of the television in my pajamas; the delectable fried goodness covering my coffee table like a one item Hoarders buffet.