Sunday, May 1, 2011

My dog ate three foil-wrapped Dodger dogs yesterday. The black rug looked like one of those mylar-looking weather balloons exploded all over it. She looked back at me, over her shoulder, smacking her dog lips. Now I have to make sure she poos, I guess. The poo is sure to look dirty disco ball fantastic. I also thought maybe she will finally die because of this. I’m not sure how much foil she actually ingested. But dogs eat a lot of bad stuff and still live, right? I mean my last dog ate a paper towel once. I only know this because I pulled it, completely intact, out of his butthole. The smelliest magic trick ever.

Last night I drank wine, vodka, rum, tequila and gin. I don’t know why I did that. Just so you know, when you drink that mixed bouquet of booze you end up getting sexy with the Electric Slide and don’t even care when you miss getting cake.

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