Saturday, March 12, 2011

I have a purse that has petals. Black leather petals. When I swing the purse, the petals fan out like a flapper’s dress. The purse is falling apart. The petals are falling off. People find them. They find them in the car. They find them on the floor. They find them on the table, in the driveway, under the couch.

Every time they find one, they hold it up, a black circle, and ask, “What is this?” They hold it up high. They move it in an arc so everyone can see it so everyone can evaluate the black circle so they can try to identify it. To me, they look like a teacher at the front of a classroom, holding up a story book or a plastic skull and I feel like a student who knows the answer and who will raise their hand and who is anxious to shout the answer before being called upon.

In this case, the answer is always the same so I do not know why they keep asking it. I am tired of explaining it is a petal from my purse and then holding up the purse and showing it to them much the same way they showed me the petal. They always say, “Oh,” and nod and hand me the petal. I always wonder how they don’t know where the petal came from because I’ve had this purse for months now. It is a purse covered in black petals, therefore it is not usual. It is unusual. It is supposed to be noticed and therefore, remembered. If my purse was a wife it would be upset that its husband didn’t notice its new dress every goddamn day.

I always take the petals and I don’t know what to do with them. I can’t sew and if I pinned them on they’d eventually fall back off or I’d be stabbed. The petals stack up inside my purse. The outside of my purse is molting while the inside of my purse is choking with its feathers.

It seems ironic.

I feel like I am just going to keep using this purse until it can’t fly anymore and then I will throw it away. So cruel and hard-hearted, I think. But then I think, It’s just a purse, stupid and I feel better. I have to remember not to have emotional attachments to inanimate objects. I have a favorite coffee cup. I should use it less, just in case.

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