Wednesday, March 30, 2011

I don’t know why but something in my right eyeball exploded. Maybe I got punched in the eye while I was sleeping. But I didn’t see it first thing in the morning when I put my make up on and that involves a lot of looking at my own eyeballs. Maybe I stuck a pen in my eye by accident and didn’t notice or react or feel intense pain at all when I stabbed my eyeball with a pen because, I don’t know, maybe my hair was on fire at the time so I wasn’t paying attention. I don’t know. All I know is at some point in the early morning when finally looking at myself in the bathroom mirror at work, I noticed a large portion of my eyeball was bloody.

I was like, wtf, and I leaned in and pulled my lower lid down and it was totally ew.

I let my lid pop back up and I turned my head this way and that and sort of checked out my new bloody eye in the mirror.

It looked pretty Fight Club and therefore, slightly bad ass. But what it really needed in order to have the full bad assness was some purple-black bruising. Some cheekbone swelling. Maybe a fresh slice crisping maroon along its thin raised ridge. Now THAT would’ve been something to give that mirror my FULL attention. Not just a partially bloody eyeball.

People ask me what happened and I’m like, about what? And they’re like, your bloody eyeball. And I’m like, oh. Yeah, I have no idea.

Oh well. It is and will remain a mystery.

In the meantime, I will continue listening to this Chemical Brothers song that has horses neighing throughout it. Yet another wtf.

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