Tuesday, December 28, 2010

There’s something I’m embarrassed to admit, but I’m going to admit it anyway because, right now, I have nothing else to talk about and this revelation I’ve just discovered about myself has been bugging me because it’s pretty incredulous, because there are things I think I should know at my age or things I should have figured out and yet, here I am figuring out a thing I should’ve known for the past 20 years or so.

That was a huge run on sentence.

Let me preface this with, I have never worn boots. I had one pair of cowboy boots that a friend gave me back when leggings were in style. I would wear the boots with leggings or tights. Not often. But when I wore them, that’s what I would wear them with.

Switch to present day and suddenly, within the past month, I am wearing boots, AND I LOVE THEM! I have now bought two pairs of boots and BOOTS WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE?!?! Man, not only do I feel badass when wearing boots, but they look good and they are comfortable. But there is a hidden science behind boots that I am inadvertently learning like;

-What do you wear under boots? Socks? Trouser socks? Sweat socks? Nothing?

-What height boot do you wear under your pants? Like, if you buy knee high, I assume you wear them outside of your pants, and anything lower you wear under your pants or do you tuck your pants in?

And that last part lead me into the embarrassing thing I didn’t realize I didn’t realize…which is I NEVER REALLY UNDERSTOOD WHAT ‘BOOT CUT’ JEANS WERE FOR.

I guess I just thought boot-cut jeans were jeans that were straight legged, and tight to your entire leg like how ‘flare leg jeans’, flared out. etc. I didn’t really understand how the word, ‘boot’ got involved. I didn’t actually think or realize it was actually SO YOU COULD WEAR BOOTS OVER THE JEANS. I guess I thought it was like one of those weird ‘word origin’ things like where we used to say, “I have to go Xerox this page,” when you just meant make a copy of it in a copy machine which is a bad example but anyway either which way it cannot erase my ignorance or stupidity.

I came to this realization when I was stupidly putting on every pair of jeans I owned trying to find a pair where I could wear my boots OVER the jeans. I was sitting in my closet stuffing my jeans into my boots like I was packing my calves for Fed Ex, muttering to myself in a frustrated manner, saying things like, “This is stupid! It’s all bunched up!” and, “How do all those women have smooth jeans tucked nicely into their boots? Mine look like BUNCHED UP JEANS ON TOP OF BOOTS!” and that’s when the light bulb came on. “BOOT CUT JEANS! THAT’S WHAT BOOT CUT JEANS ARE FOR! WEARING UNDER BOOTS!”

And, in that moment, I felt like the smartest person and the dumbest person all at the same time.

So, I’ve been walking around for a week with this knowledge that ‘boot-cut jeans’ are for wearing under boots and feeling like a complete tool for not ‘getting this’ earlier in my life. I am such a failure at being a woman it’s incredible.

On a side note, I think I have some sort of thigh tumor.

4 comments:

  1. Originally boot cut jeans were for wearing OVER boots. They had a wider leg than straight cut. Skinny jeans are the ones that are easy to wear under boots. Is the lexicon changing?

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  2. oh great! So, I'm wrong about the boot cut thing?!?! Now i have to get skinny jeans?!?!? WHERE IS THE MANUAL FOR BEING FEMALE!??!?

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  3. Clearly you are long overdue for a subscription to Cosmo.

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  4. Women love boots and calityra.

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